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I used to watch you sleep, watch for signs of nightmare.

I used to sleep by your side, sharing the warmth of the covers and your body.

I used to care so much that it hurt, so much that i'd rather hurt.

But....

I used to also love you more than you loved me; as I do now, even people tell me not too.

People have always told me what to feel for certain other people. You know what? You weren't there so you dont know what i am really supposed to feel.

you dont have my viewpoints, my personal moral code, or Ethics. Therefore you cannot and will not tell me how to feel; you dont know what it would do to me.

you dont know my feelings, no matter how i describe them.

because,

I used to love you.

You threw it away, not expecting me to give up so easily on you. I am not a testosterone-filled man. I am a woman who, if i see you wanting another person, will step down, because I am the type that would rather see you happy with the one you love.

you chose someone else; why should i stay?

you do not want me too, you said so yourself.

so why be so pissed that i left?

unless you didn't really want me to leave.

Perhaps you should not have replaced me.

Maybe then i would have known that you actually

cared for me, or liked me at the least.

but no, you showed that you hated me.

and now i am doing my own thing in the name

of love, the thing that you did for money.

i am not going to show or feel any regret for your emotions. they are your's. i have done nothing to cause them. you broke it apart, and i'd appreciate it if you didn't put your blame for your actions on me; you're the one who betrayed your friends on your own. i did nothing to help you with that.

so, again, i put it behind me.

after all, i dont really love you the same now....



I used too.

I love wrong impressions. What ever, i shouldn't have to care about what everyone thinks of me. let them think what they will i am fed up with all the lies and i put it behind me. it's about time i get over such idiocy and move on.... especially when the one i am thinking of is acting such a...hell, no words can describe that hypocritical bitch. though, hypocritical bitch seems to be a mediocre start...hmmm...

i will save that game for the rest of the world that hates her as well.... too bad she's in a delusional state that her shit smells like roses and that she is the perfect little angel. *laughs* my gods, the thought of such a thing lowers the name of... everything angel and down.... way down...to basically the opposite.... stupid bitch.

You know, Ocelot was right about much of the female population being sluts... i couldn't tell you what all has been going on the past few months but all the girls younger than me seem to be thinking about is sex and making sure another girl doesn't get any.... i mean, my gods, what the hell turned their hormones up to be like a pent up sex-addicted nun?

i never knew how right he was...

and now i do. though, i'm not one to cheat. he can have his suspicions and he can have his invalid excuse for what he did. i understand now why he decided to do what he did. though, he was over-reacting and over doing it. I swear, he made my life a soap opera, and you know what? that's over with, and i have much less drama now because of it.

i am glad i dont have to prove anymore that i dont want sex, and i am glad i dont have to prove that i dont want to cheat, or hang out with other people more so than my other half. it isn't going to happen.

he can blame it all on me not being able to take his 2.5 year paranoia anymore because he involved his whole family in it (it was NOT a family affair)....

he can blame it on the chance in his mind that possibly i could have gone with a different guy before when i was with him.

but you know what? i blame it on the fact WE didn't communicate.

my point is, i am not a slut, i can't stand sluts, and i can't believe there are now 12 year old sluts running around. "it's all circling around the drain" so to speak. let it. i'm not going to analyze it any further.